Come What May...I Will Love Them

My foot and my sisters' now have a matching "Come what may"

Seasons may change winter to spring

My life has seemed like a series of seasons; fabulous to good, good to bad, bad to worse, horrible to miraculous, and everything in between. I’ve been through things that others will never comprehend while at the same time I’ve been sheltered from things that I can’t begin to imagine. This is life, I guess. 

I love you until the end of time

My mother raised some awesome kids. Life has given us some lemons, but we have all learned the ability to make some kick ass lemonade. Throughout life, rocks of hurt, stones of mistakes, and boulders of guilt are thrown at us and it is painful. They leave bruises, cuts and scars, however we have two choices; we can either allow those stones to bury and kill us, or we can take them and build our life with them. It is hard labor to build with these heavy rocks of hurt and regret and it would be far easier to give up and be buried by them. It's always easier to give up, but I am not the giving up type. 

I realized this years ago when my husband at the time was strung out on some kind of drug (I later realized it was heroin, meth, and pain killers) and ditched our two kids and myself. I had no clue what I was going to do, I was a stay at home mother and he was in charge of the finances. devastation. I found out that none of the bills had been paid and he had lost our home. devastation. How could have I been so stupid to have allowed that. What hurt the most was each time my super handsome two year old son with a voice as deep as a man would say, “daddy left us because I’m bad.” That memory still makes me teary-eyed. 

I was in a depression for a long, long time. My mother and my sister carried me through that time, and when I found out that I was three months pregnant with my youngest, it was those two women who reminded me to build. 

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Although that is not nearly a crumb of the shit that I went through with that douche bag, that was over 5 years ago. My momma, sister, and brother comforted me through it and reminded me of what a kick-ass woman I was, and was still to be. 


Because I have been supported by my brother, sister, and mother, it saddens me beyond understanding when I cannot comfort them the way that they have comforted me. My sister is stationed 500 miles away from me, and while I know that is fairly close, knowing that she is hurting inside makes the distance seem infinite. My brother is in prison for a stupid mistake that he made when he was only 14 years old, and I hurt because I cannot comfort him when I know he is stressed out. My mother lives 10 minutes driving time from me and although I try to be her shoulder to cry on when she is worried for her adult kids, she unknowingly comforts my every worry with each conversation. 

(That last sentence isn’t entirely true: sometimes she doesn’t comfort me at all on the phone. Especially when our conversation goes like this:

Mom calling

Me: “Hello?”

Mom: “Hi baby, what are you doing?”

Me: “I’m taking a nap, I’ve been so exhausted”

Mom: “Oh, thats good. Did I tell you that I painted the pump outside red? Well I did, and I did yardwork...blah blah blah..and bought a rug...blah...blah..blah”

You get the point. Those conversations don’t comfort me. I just feel bad when I finally have to tell her that I’m letting her go because I’m trying to take a nap)(btw mom, since I have a feeling you may read this, I still love you, I'm just teasing your silliness)

Back to a positive-lovey-dovey-appreciating-my-family-post

And there's no mountain too high no river too wide

Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide

But I love you until the end of time

The past couple of weeks have been hard for the people I love most. Each one of us are dealing with major issues like medical stuff, job changing stuff, school stuff, financial stuff, and parole stuff. When one of us goes through something we all go through it with one another because we want the best. 

I told my mom the other day, “The next few weeks are going to be hard for all of us. We are all dealing with the daily craziness in our lives, and that is just the surface. I know that under our daily stress is a simmering pot of emotions. This brewing stew is made up of fear, regret, and sorrow, flavored with a bit of hope, all for Armando (my brother). I've been an emotional wreck the past couple of weeks. I blame it on the changes in work, school, and these damn birth control pills, but I know it's just the fear that I carry of Mondo being hurt again. I want to protect him, I want to hold him and shield him from the boulders that life throws his way, but I know that I can't, and then I just remember that he has a wonderful mom who taught him to use those stones to continue to build his life.” And I meant it. I love these people. 

Come what may, come what may 

I will love you until my dying day

Oh come what may, come what may 

I will love you